ok again, me and blogging, just may not being working out. A 'we need to talk' time has come. Ok, actually no, but I always forget in my nonbusy life to sit down and write something. Today has been a quite worthless day, church, lunch and laying on the futon for the rest of the day. One of those, cant get out of bed days...but gotta love them. Last night, while not quite halloween, was celebrated all over bemidji. quite suprising that not everyday you see a male dressed up in a tight womens dress walking down the street, mario and laugi (cant spell), the cast of wizard of Oz, a drunk fisherman, and the whole team zesu (life aquatic) at one party. I love halloween, you can dress up as someone your not and pretend for a night. Like MEAN GIRLS says, halloween gives girls the excuse to dress skanky and get away with it. And beleive me, there are lots of skanks in bemidji without it being halloween. but everyone had fun and it was a fun sober night. i'm so glad i'm not drinking, i'm having fun and not having to worry about getting a hangover. plus this weightloss thing is going slow, i'm pretty much in a platuae but am going to keep working on it. if i dont lose the weight, not a big deal, just want to reduce the body fat and get my legs to look like a trainers should look. Herbergers called and tomorrow and tuesday i actually work. should be a good time, just bummed i'm there on the actual halloween night. luke had a really hard night last night, he was really upset and we ended up talking until like 12, which is way too late for him to be up. but i was going to keep talking until he was ok. we are one month down and 17 to go until we can start our lives together. ugh
tuesday i start signing up for classes, and my advisor and i decided maybe i should aim to graduate next spring or at least get my student teaching out of the way. not bad, it would be a good time to do it, one because luke will be getting back and i wont have any school for the last 4 weeks of the semester, and that way i dont have to do it later, and second, i dont want to do it, so just getting it out of the way...nice, then i can concentrate on either a graduate program in sport studies, or just finishing up my other BS degree in exercise science. signing up for classes is always tricky, you just never know what to take, and when you figure it out, the classes you HAVE to take are all at the same time...grr. but i'm excited about some new classes bsu is offering, have to deal with exercise science and my roommate is happy about a snowboarding class. i'm going to take an ojibwa crafts class, sounds really fun, and better than takng other art that i cant do.
luke and i have started talking with a webcam, or at least i have one right now, i didn't realize how fun they can be and how nice it will be to actually see him when he finally gets one. we have a website together where we share pictures, thats really fun, it is so much easier than trying to send them over the internet. this way you load them on there and you have a url for them or can save them to your computer. well i'm done.

Oh man, almost a week since my last post...oops

Well me and daily diaries have never been best friends. this week went fast, good. i hope they all go fast so i can have my christmas break. i have a huge midterm tomorrow so i'm nervous but if i take my time and dont do stupid mistakes i should do ok at the least. its biomechanics, the class that would bring my gpa down. oh well i should do good. see how i just upgraded that, oh yes my self confidence is going up. not much has happened this week. luke called today and we talked for like 45 minutes this afternoon, which was really nice. he wrote me the sweetest email so my day is great! although last night was a little interesting. i went to a keggar at drews house and drank a little too much. things were weird and i'm glad i came home when i did. i was called a slut last night..so not cool. i happen to go home to an empty bed everynight wishing my guy was with me. now i dont find that slutty in the least bit. but i do admit that i'm a flirt, no doubt about that. i guess i can give guys the wrong ideas and i'll have to watch myself now. im deeply in love and dont want guys to think i'm after them or make luke angry or jeleous. we had a tough conversation last night that caused some tears, which is ok, because the phone call was soo good. he finally broke down and was sad and crying with me, telling me how much he loves me and wishes he was here to protect me. i wish he was too. so i started at herbergers..well kind of i had my first training day. it was long, 4 hours on my feet standing at a computer trying to figure out the different keys and shit with the cash register. ok well i guess i dont have much to say tonight either. i work again tomorrow, trying to get my volunteering hours in and figuring out my spring schedule, yes it came out on the internet this weekend. so far i have only monday night classes, tuesday morning, wed night, thur morning, and nothing on friday. so i guess i should get some good work hours in. there isnt much offered on campus this sem, pretty sad. goodnight.

Tuesday, and 9 weeks to go.

So I really dont have much to write tonight. Not a lot happened today thats for sure. I went to my one class today and then NOTHING. I actually volunteered at Kids and Company and it felt great to have some of the kids remember me, even the 4th grader who had a crush on me. They thought I was back to work, so its a bummer that I'm not, god knows i could use the money. I applied for Home Depot today, not the job i want but they reimburse tuition. I have a quiz tomorrow I need to study for and a huge exam next monday I should start on. We actually won a Volleyball game tonight! it was awesome. I didnt do too bad, didnt spike any, but I taped it over for a kill. I miss playing but its good to have fun. My team is awesome, i wouldnt trade them for the world. Good friends and good fun. I wish luke was here pretty bad today. We talked on the phone for a while and I really miss him. I'm afraid that the guys will forget him and move on. But i suppose we all need to. Not like hes dead, but some of them wont be here when he gets back. So i looked at the curriculum for Exercise Science, a new major here, and wow, I have to take physics and statistics, but i may take physics with jamie so that will be nice. But statistics, i will probably need abbys help with. Well off to study like I said, not much to say!

just another manic monday

Ok, new day. It was soo long. just like the weekend. i was so tired the whole day, almost like passed out in dance class. so i skipped the lap swim at 12 and went home to sleep. i had my interview with herbergers today. i'm excited but a little nervous, they have certain days i need to work, and of course those are the days that are most important to me. oh well i need the job and the money so whatever works. i'm kind of bummed, i have no idea what to do for spring break! i want to go, but at the same time, i dont want to miss the opportunity to see luke for the last time. ohwell i guess i will figure it out later. he is coming home the 22nd at about 2:45 in the cities. YEA! i'm so very excited. i miss him like crazy and want to cuddle. right now is a good time for me to focus on my studies, make money and make new friends, which i havent done too much of. i'll need to work on that. try to be less closed off and get out on my own. who knows maybe i'll meet some awesomely crazy people and i dont know...have fun. so i swam a mile and 1/2 today so proud, thats a good workout. burned like over 600 cals. i'm so burning more calories than i'm taking in, but still not really losing weight, grr! i try to remember to take my pills but i always forget and its too late. plus they make me so hungry! that doesnt help at all. anyway, i need to get a life and get off the internet.

LOOONNGGG Weekend

So the weekend is over. GOOD. It was so long. After my brother fell and broke his foot I traveled down to New Prague, near the cities to help out this weekend. I'm glad I did, but I'm so tired now. Looking and chasing after my adorable niece is actually quite tiring. She is about 1 1/2 but is super smart, her activity level is at a lower 3 year old already. yes, thats right, my niece is a baby genius. Anyway it was difficult to see my brother not be able to do anything. Just getting off the bed would hurt, so I didnt get a chance to really see him. the funnest part of the weekend, other than the cute things my niece did, was drinking a bottle of wine with my soon to be sister in law. well I hope anyway. She is giving my brother not even 2 years to get married or she is out. God, Alex, get on the ball! Anyway, their house is kind of gross, not like not clean, just having a dog makes it so much worse with black hair everywhere. cute dog and all, but not very well behaved. still a puppy. So many things happened this weekend here in Bemidji, Missed some good hockey games and a drug party (not meaning to be). I cant think of much to write about, I'll write later.

cookies and handcuffs

What a long day but now has gone quickly. nothing important happened today, just the usual school and nothing. i searched once again for a job with NO luck. The place that was going to hire me has decided not to hire anyone until 2nd semester..well that doesnt help any! I applied at herbergers so far, i'm hoping for that one becuase no nights! well after 9 at least, and i could get extra hours if i need to during the holidays. i got burnt today in the tanning bed, ugh, and now am super warm! i also baked cookies today yea! chocolate chip ones with a little applesauce in them for a healthier touch..so yummy and my roommates enjoyed them as well as the guys from lukes house. they came and had their share. those guys are sweet and i really enjoy having them around. i'm trying to study biomechanics and i actually understand it which is sweet, but when those quizzes come i tend to not do well. ugh. i need to get that uP! anyway. i swam again today and it felt great, i got the mile done in a good time, but i cant swim breaststroke anymore which is a huge bummer. hurts my knee too much. cant wait to start volleyball tomorrow night! i have nothing to say today..not much of a day to talk about.

Full of Suprises

Wow, what you can learn in a whole day is amazing. However some was found out last night. My brother fell off a ladder of about 8 feet and broke is foot pretty bad, surgery is in question. I may go to see him this weekend with my parents, and why not, I would be able to see my family as well. Pretty bummed to miss the hockey games, but family comes first. We are planning an underwear party, sounds awesome, of course i'm pretty shy so i have like boy shorts and a tank to wear. I aslo got my halloween costume, oh its fun, and worth the money. I'm trying to be in a good mood about this whole talking on the phone thing with luke, he always sounds annoyed and not wanting to talk. It feels like he doesnt miss me, but I know he does. I guess i'm not too secure about my feelings. i thought i was, but i'm afraid of falling out of love with him. i dont think you can though. i do love him so much and miss him like crazy. but at the same time, i'm doing just fine without him. I'm getting so used to life without him, it will be strange to be with him for good. I hope he starts writing me soon, he thinks phone calls are good enough, but i told him before he left i wanted them. he seemed to understand then, but who knows. hes keeping busy , but at the same time isnt. i'm glad he is content and is enjoying himself down there, some lady told me that sooner or later he will realize that it isnt a field trip and will understand more deeply what hes doing later.
its 9:47 I should be doing some sort of homework or something productive, like studying but I dont feel in the mood. Which i should be because I need to get my grade up in biomechanics, but i did get an A on the first lab and have extra credit. im really hoping for a B in the class, that would be sweet and a B in Phys, and I would be super happy and get my GPA up. i could use that after sluffing off this summer. now its 9:51, and nothing more productive has been done other than talking to my friends online. ugh.
I spent way too much money today, i really need to watch that because i really dont have an income coming in, other than the 100 my brother owes me and the 120 im getting from bsu. plus my kind father pays be 100 a month and i really dont know why. not going to complain. So abby and i are talking about moving next year into the Delton Manor, very nice place and would cost less than half of what i'm doing now! this is going to be rediculas this winter if everyone always thinks its cold in the house. oh well i tend to get cold easily too, but i like to layer.
I'm excited to play volleyball, hope i dont get hurt, but at the same time, then maybe i could have surgery to get this stupid knee taken care of. my team sounds awesome, but we probably wont win at all, but its all fun. i'm totally sucky so that makes it better. I need to meet more people tho, hang out with different crowds, how sad that my facebook doesnt have many bsu people..only like 35 and my roomie has like 80 some. uh oh i guess we can see who the loser is. haha jk i like my self and i dont need to prove how cool i am on some website.. :)
i'm actually getting excited to see my family, especially my brother, sister in law and neice..i havent seen them for quite a while. uncle and aunt will be cool to see also, but they always want so much of my time and going out to eat! ah cutting back on foods sucks
I didnt take any of my pills today, i totally forgot, and i even had a nice dinner of pork chop, broccoli cheese rice, and veggies, yumm it was good. but of course now my stomach is saying FEED ME is so used to having so much food. ugh. I swam a mile today and even had enough motivation i could have lifted wieghts tonight, i should do that, work out twice a day. that would do well in the losing wieght battle. but i am playing pickle ball tomorrow in my class, when this class is done i will lift wieghts during my break. cody wants to do ultimate abs again, so thats cool, i could go tuesdays.
i'm thinking i may not mail luke too much mail. if he doesnt send me too much i wont waste my money on him, but i'll send this video and letter, then some cookies for thanksgiving. like gingersnaps, thats like halloweeny! anyway this is long enough and i want to get ready for bed, wash the face, change and brush the teeth so i dont eat anymore..haha

Sunday, bloody Sunday

Oh yeah, what an overall good day.
I woke up this morning and went to a new church..the Covanent church on the outskirts of town. It was really interesting, a lot of music and only a little sermon. I was suprised at the actual lake of usual church stuff...no gosple lesson, versus, readings...just announcements, music, and sermon, then more music and time to go. I will go back, everyone was super nice and welcoming. I came home, had a quick lunch then went to the library to study, yeah me and the library. we have never been close, but maybe a new relationship will start. I got a lot done, and I'm almost done with one of my classes, yet still need to find somewhere to volunteer for 10 hours. yeah lots of options, but nothing that really catches my attention. STILL NEED A JOB. UGH. I'm going this week for sure to the Mall to catch some applications, and maybe find a Halloween costume, they have a couple cool ones. Abby and I also went for a walk, so nice out today, we walked over to the dorms and talked with some old floormates, walked back and ate dinner...taco salads and ice cream..quality huh?
last night was so nuts. I didnt think i was going to drink too much this weekend and so far so good. last night i had a shot of absynth...illegal to sell in the US, and 3 beers. I was happy and had a good time. We just pretty much hung out and jon and taylors, they had a case day so they were all already drunk when we got there. we all danced which was so fun, taylor and i like waltzed for a while, really cool, but his hands kind of wondered south..had to back off...oh man taylor..but hes cool and he knows the boundaries. after a while of dancing with everyone, the black lights when on and someone brought out paint...so much fun. i traveled out with drew and mark to a true hippie party, not kidding hippies. true pot smoking, dread locks and listening to random music. pretty funny, mark and drew hated while the hippie pete and steve enjoyed their time. i'm glad i went out there to witness the weird-os in the area. Before that this chick, beth, got super sick. she never knows when to quit, she had a lot of alcohol, then smoked some weed laced with some sort of shit that doubles the affects...she seriously should have gone to the hospital..it was bad..and gross. girl, grow up. anyway, i got a call from luke today! yea! i love hearing from him, i really hope i dont lose the love i have for him. thats what i'm scared about. but i shouldnt if we keep in contact as much. he finally moved out of the tents...and into the barracks. now he had electricity and possible internet hookup.
so today was my first day of a diet pill. abby and i bought them to see if they actually work. and to lose weight of course. they are suppose to suppress appetite and speed up metabolism. i actually got shaky from the first one, so hopefully thats not a sign of things to come. i took one after my dinner tonight, and i'm actually more hungry than before. but it may be just the way its sitting in my body right now. its kind of a test. i'm suprised that abby and i weigh the same, very suprised actually, she is so small and i have muscle, but she loses it a lot quicker than i do. good experiment, and good to tell my clients about later. bye!

Saturday....and already 7pm

Today was filled with cleaning and misc. It feels good to have the house clean, i wonder how long it will last. we storm proofed our windows...put plastic on them. but when we got home from perkins and a nice lunch, they are already falling down. how sad. and what a waste of 30 dollars. abby and i went to walk in the woods today and took some cool pics. it wasnt really that exciting today...hopefully the night gets better....the losing weight thing has lost its battle. i'm not gaining anymore...but not really loosing it either. another day of not hearing from luke. bummer, but i'm thinking maybe every other day i'll here from him. hopefully. the night is young and so am I so I must go and enjoy it.....

TGIF

So its friday, yea. But then again, i dont have any plans for the night so i have no idea what i'll be doing. the movie jamie is going to doesnt sound that great, and the girls hockey game will be really chilly, and i'm cold enough already. saturday should be fun, abby and i are planning to clean up our room, clean it good, plastic up the windows and then possibly have people over for a slumber party tomorrow night. hmm, now i have to think of something to do tonight..what a goal. today i talked in lindsey about what church she goes to, figured i would give it a try to get back into it. she goes to a convanent church..really havent heard much about it, but she told me she grew up lutheran also and she enjoys this church because the pastor relates things to college students. she also told me about a devotional group, i dont think ill join that, never have like devotion, but maybe i'll go once. i plan on making tacos tonight.! that should be fun. Hopefully my roommates stick around for it..which reminds me i should take the hamburger out of the freezer. today was an over all good, day, i think working out really makes a difference. right now i am watching mr hollands opus..so good. well anyway...good day!

Sept 6 2005

So today was kind of hard, and I have no idea why. I was doing good, but almost broke down in class today, so strange. There were times I almost had tears, very strange, and its only day 2. I think i was so upset because i was looking at the army website, and the fact that i didnt get a phone call today. i guess i cant expect one everyday, but getting 2 yesterday was so nice. I thought i would actually get calls everyday, stupid me, now i know. i really need to find a job to keep myself busy, and a new hobby, i'm thinking like crochet...or however you spell that, its kind of cheap and doesnt involve me being expensive equipment. quilting would be cool, but i cant afford a machine. i really want a job though, something that will keep me busy and my mind off the army. maybe a clothes store, but i would probably buy everything. but better than shoes, because i wouldnt make money, but lose it. tonight was better, i kept busy after class writing my lab write up for running biomechanics. i need to definately keep busy, no doubt. it sucks getting out of class at 12 and having nothing to do. the job i have been emailing to a lady about never seems to go through, i thought they were really interested in me but i havent heard too much. I really want the rec center, how perfect would that be with my major. but they are always full and cant accept any more employees. but they are looking for refs and special event staff, that would get me in the door for a job this summer. this summer is another story, hope i keep busy, but happy to think that this is my last summer alone hopefully, you never know with the army. lukes only been in like almost 2 years and he is already deployed, he has like 4-5 years left. ugh. oh well i'm so proud, cant lie. well i'm off to bed, only one class tomorrow, work out then have fun. all of my classes were cancelled this week, so nice...well not all but some that mattered, so i've actually only been to like 4 classes this week. only 76 days until christmas break and i can see my boy! goodnight

OK, first post

Well here it is, my first post on my new page. This is mostly for me to get things off my chest for the next year and half.. You may ask why just a year and half, well thats how long my boyfriend is being deployed for. I'm not much for sharing feelings with people, so I figured if you want to know how I'm doing, you can read this. Today is day one with out Luke. Now, I've been through this a little bit before. Luke went through basic training the summer after our freshmen year of college for 11 weeks. That was 11 weeks of no communication other than snailmail..and me, I cant seem to write anything funny, so they were mainly what was going on or mushy letters. Now again this summer he went to AIT for the Infantry. If you dont know what the Infantry is, shame on you, google it. His AIT was about 9-10 weeks long and again only snail mail. I'm used to not having him around, but it is still lonely. He is in training for the next 6 months in Mississippi living in a tent, literally a tent, but at least I'm getting phone calls...so far. He will have time off for Christmas and New Years, back to training, then off to Iraq. This will no doubt be a tough time for anyone who knows Luke and is close to him. He is a great guy but is still scared about being deployed, I've never met a more patriotic person than my boyfriend. Support the Troops!