Easter Weekend

So here we are at Easter weekend. March flew by and now hopefully the next year will too. I'm sitting here at my aunt and uncles house by the cities feeling alone. there are people surrounding me, but yet i feel like i'm the only one in the room. everyone has been nice enough to ask me about luke, but i just get more sad. especially after missing a call and internet yesterday with him. who knows the next time i'll talk to him. seriously no one understands. i feel empty without my guy here. i feel pathetic, but i know i'm not the only one. i miss him very much. i try not to tear, but its getting hard. its not easy to hide the feelings that surround your thoughts. always wondering if hes ok, where is he and what is he doing? one mortar attack down, many to go. makes me wonder if any of them will be close enough to harm him. but i cannot think like that. no news is suppose to be good news. hes calling a lot more than what i thought he would, but its never enough. 1 hour a week is never enough. how long must i live like this.? always questioning his safety always being lonely..i know i know, only a year more. but april of 2007 seems so far away. another year of school. which is starting to be a pain in the butt. i guess i hit the section where i'm sick of it. every class seems to be a drag. no teacher understanding what i'm going through nor do i have the will to actually do all my work. i've been slacking on my work when i shouldnt be. some classes getting low B's right now...cant really afford that with my GPA...not at all! i feel like i have other things to worry about than a gpa... summer is almost here.
i want to cry right now...but my tears just arent flowing. Being with family helps...i just cant imagine what his family is going through...having holidays without a big part of their family. his family is the best. i would never put them down. they are strong and so close. everyone in that family is a huge part. and they accept me. thats great. his mother calls and emails to see how i'm doing. of course i tell her im fine when inside i just want to scream and sleep until its all over. now dont get me wrong. i dont think im depressed. however, it may come. i need to be strong, not only for my health, but for luke. he needs me to be here strong for him, routing for him. no one will love luke more than me.