Well with the other blog I havent really written anything on here for myself. My life is surrounded by Luke right now. When I'm with him I'm so happy, being with him during his recovery and just being able to talk and cuddle :) makes some of the bad stuff go away. However, because I am a zero to the army I cant stay down there, I'm stuck in Minnesota pretending to enjoy myself when I actually hate it, other than my family. I just wish I could stay down there like his parents can. But of course they have worked so they can afford to take time off, plus the army pays them to be there.
With the whole situation I've seen such shitty things. Watching my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years almost die twice...right in front of me has really shaken things up. The idea of being that close to losing him really does wonders to feelings and securities. The recovery is going to be long. We have at least 6 more months to go. I just wish he could do all that stuff up in Minnesota. but damn do they have a great program down there. We just keep telling ourselves that someday we'll be together with out interuption. but not any day soon. I worry about him at times. things that i cant write on the other blog..like his depression. it scares me at times, he just gets so sad, and it seems like it happens most when i'm not there. but then again, the same with me, i'm happy with him, but i get back to bemidji and sometimes just cry because i hate it so much. it just seems like no one understand..which they dont, and theydont care. which they might. on the weekends every one just gets so drunk and do stupid little things, then complain about the smallest things during the week. i feel so much older than every one else, but i'm not just my experiences make me feel like just an outsider to those i used to love to hang out with. i miss the carefree life..but then again i've really never had one. starting early my life has been through many little and big bumps that have all changed my life. being carefree just isnt who i am and probably never will be, except for that cruise luke and i always talk about. hehe. anyway, i've really lost my train of thought after watching a little discovery channel here.....
With the whole situation I've seen such shitty things. Watching my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years almost die twice...right in front of me has really shaken things up. The idea of being that close to losing him really does wonders to feelings and securities. The recovery is going to be long. We have at least 6 more months to go. I just wish he could do all that stuff up in Minnesota. but damn do they have a great program down there. We just keep telling ourselves that someday we'll be together with out interuption. but not any day soon. I worry about him at times. things that i cant write on the other blog..like his depression. it scares me at times, he just gets so sad, and it seems like it happens most when i'm not there. but then again, the same with me, i'm happy with him, but i get back to bemidji and sometimes just cry because i hate it so much. it just seems like no one understand..which they dont, and theydont care. which they might. on the weekends every one just gets so drunk and do stupid little things, then complain about the smallest things during the week. i feel so much older than every one else, but i'm not just my experiences make me feel like just an outsider to those i used to love to hang out with. i miss the carefree life..but then again i've really never had one. starting early my life has been through many little and big bumps that have all changed my life. being carefree just isnt who i am and probably never will be, except for that cruise luke and i always talk about. hehe. anyway, i've really lost my train of thought after watching a little discovery channel here.....
posted by Tina @ 7:47 PM
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