in need of break

so even though ive had the easiest semester to date, i'm still so ready for a break. this semester has been tough, a lot of loads for the heart and emotions to handle. plus a new job with lots of hours, i feel just pulled in every direction. i miss a relaxing day, i'm glad i have sunday and monday off of next week, but still having a 35 hour work week. ooo! but its good money, lord knows i need it. this week is going by fast and slow at the same time. i hurt my knee again, but at least not as bad. I've started to run 2 miles every time i work out, and it hurts a lot to run. but screw it, i need to get into shape and running will get me there. sucks trying to up and especially down stairs with the pain, but i'll live, hopefully it will just go away with practice. hurt to wear heels at work today, found myself limping once in a while. i didnt dance today because i was afraid of twisting it again..oh yeh i did that getting into my house and slipped on the ice. felt like it slightly dislocated...hurt bad, but never swelled or the pain really didnt stay, but i did ice it and elevate it for a while. we have so much snow here, nice because we do need snow living in minnesota. i saw my first snowmobiler the other day and andy and i are going skiing this weekend, i'm super excited for that...xc skiing that is, i dont much like down hill, i guess i'm a chicken and like staying flat. today was a senior day at work, oh my god do those seniors make a mess. more than anyone else! i spent the whole day recovering the shelves while still trying to put away stuff from the dressing room and using the till.
i'm finding myself more depressed lately, just not happy with too many friendships and my body. oh i know i know...you dont care or you just rolled your eyes, but hey this is my blog. as i've written before i'm trying to get lean, and i've done nothing but either maintained or gained...how does that work? i have to get my body fat tested tomorrow..oh ish. but oh well i may have the lowest in the class. except for this girl who has chicken arms...hehe. at least i'm proud to have muscle and curves. i love my curves for sure.
so i had to lose a friend this week. a little by choice, but mostly other. i'm sad, but will deal, but the fact is that s/he doesnt know yet. i'm not going into details, too many names. but i will miss having chats with this person and getting some advice. its always nice to be able to talk to someone, and i'm losing that. as you can tell i'm sad and really didnt want to make the decision. and i didnt know so many of my other friends disapproved...not like i cared. and not like they care anymore either. i havent seen anyone stop by my house any time soon, except for taylor. he visits mostly abby, but me now and then. but the clock is ticking and 8am will come soon! goodnight all!

the holiday...ugh

i've come to discover I really dont like thanksgiving a whole lot. not only do you sit around the whole weekend with your same family, in my case its just my close family, waiting to eat this ridiculously over-calorie feast, then nap and its over. I think that part that drives me the most nuts is the whole family thing. well, ok, just my sister. ugh does she drive me out of that house fast. i left pretty early friday morning to come back to my quiet house in bemidji, oh and plus i had to work all weekend. i'm working a total of about 24 hours this weekend, so much for a holiday. no, it has to be the biggest shopping thing of the year. crabby people who wont let you go home because they have to get every sale item they can...ufda! as you can tell i'm in a not so good mood tonight. i'm glad i'm alone, and really dreading work tomorrow. but i cant call in 'sick' because for the first time i open. at least i have monday and friday off this week. i'm glad about friday and saturday night because the hockey team is finally back in bemidji after a month of away games. burr and i'm so damn cold right now, and a little hungary, maybe i should eat, but i really dont want to make anything. i should just complain about everything, man i sound just bitchy tonight. im tired. i want to see jarhead the movie, but everyone i know has already seen it. bummer. i was told first i shouldnt watch it, but now i'm told i should. YEAH i only have like 25 days until my sweatheart is home for 10 days. we have so much planned, but yet nothing. its great. im really dreading to send off again though. i hate saying good bye so many times. but the hellos are so nice. oh man what am i going to do tonight. no one is in town and i dont feel like going to frenchy's house to drink with all guys. i went bowling last night with 3 guys, pretty fun, but i was so tired...so they went off to drink at a house afterward and i came home to crash. i could go workout right now, but that takes effort, much of which i dont have right now. and even typing this is tough because my hands dont work when i'm cold...have you ever tried to write a check when your hands are frozen? they just dont work and your writing looks like a 5 year olds. i'm really wishin i had a guy to cuddle up to right now..like you want to hear that, but its my damn blog, so i can say whatever. and to derrick....you bum you didnt call me up when you were home! thats alright, i probably wouldnt have been there. anyway off for the night.

nothing to say

so yup, nothing to say. this school year has gone by fast so far. only like 4-5 weeks until the semester ends. to be percise 33 days until i can go home. other other stuff. for one of my classes we only have 3 classes left, and for most 10 days...thats so awesome. but you know that means finals. i only have 2 i'm worried about...scratch that, i only have 2. hehe. my other is a take home that we get 2 weeks to hand in. my 2 finals are big though, biomechanics and phys of exercise and nutrition. anyway, i'm searching for things to say. buh bye

Monday Monday.

So i've been in bed ALL day, except for a needed short trip to walmart and a shower, i've stayed in my bed like all day. i started feeling icky yesterday like right after i got off work, but needed to get some stuff done last night..like some homework i forgot about. i talked with luke last night, and he talked me through some stuff. i hate to say it, but he makes sense. we talked about getting engaged, and really it IS only a word that girls get caught up in. it isnt happening any time soon, and i guess i'm bummed, but i'm ok with it. it is a word that means nothing more than what we are in right now. makes sense just to wait until he gets home and we are together each day. but one thing that did bother me is that he doesnt seem too into the relationship...i mean yeh we are in love , but he said if i'm not in the area when he gets back..oh well...hmm. luckily i will be because i havent finished my majors yet. when he gets back i'm hoping to be student teaching in this area or maybe in the perham area. anyway. i dont have much to say, i havent been doing much...and nothing has happened..but i did dye my hair...does that count? hehe

hmm.....saturday and no life

ok so just got off work and now i'm planning and saturday night...with nothing. i feel like staying here and just like cuddling up with myself and watching a movie. work was alright..im working in the 'special sizes' which is the huge clothes. not so fun, but it went fast. its 8:00 now and i was hoping luke was on the internet so i could chat. bummer...not on, but he did call at 7:00..wonder why. must not be able to be on the internet for the night. i'm so glad i went home this weekend. well for thursday and friday night. my parents were happy and my dad took me grocery shopping..that is awesome, i totally stocked up on veggies and stuff i really cant affrod. But i did get two paychecks to day, plus $100 from dell for credit..but of course i owe lots of money to hergerbers. not much else has happend. i have to work on homework tomorrow so i can catch up. hm i kind of hungry. everyone actually wants to do something with me tonight.but i'm kind of not wanting too. . ok so im lost what to write about..but i did go see peter pan in detroit lakes last night..it was kind of cool...they actually flew..ok so i sound like a little kid. but it was neat-0 i'm glad i went,....but i missed talking to luke, he called like 5 minutes before intermission...but i dont want two days of not talking to him. that would suck. anyway. i'm going to finish walking watching mean girls and bum for the rest of the night.

Soul Searching....

Do you ever look deep into yourself and find out pretty cool things you realized, but never really realized? I didnt mean to do this, not like I actually sat down and tried to look at myself. It happened after an interesting phone call last night. Of course you should know who it was with. I just realized that I really need to start being aware of my surroundings. How many times do I get myself into potentionally dangerous situations...and not even look to see what I'm doing. I've been truely lucky so far to not have been harmed. Now granted I do trust the people I'm with, but you know...something could always happen. They always say that when girls get raped..its by someone they know..scary to think. Recently I havent been going out too much, I am pretty content with staying at home and just relaxing. I dont get a lot of things done, but it is nice to have me time. Pretty much everyday at 12 noon I get about an hour of just me in the house and I love it. I dont care if I seem like a loser and stay home on a Friday or Saturday night. I'm not much into drinking or partying. I dont think I have ever really gotten into the college life that most think you should. Sure i've partied, and of course have gotten drunk. But it isnt a necessity for me. I have beer in my fridge that has been there for almost 2 months and I havent had a drink for about 2-3 weeks. I finally had the opportunity to try out some pot. not like I had the intention of doing it when i went to visit my friends, it just all of a sudden came out and i've always been curious. But it just so happens I was the only girl and only one not high or drunk. Now like i've said, i trust those guys...but you never know when you either have one or the other or both mixed. And why did it take someone hundreds of miles away to help me look at the dumb things i do.
but anyway. another thing i found is yes again, how much i am loved and how much i'm IN love. i still cant fathom how much it is. how can anyone ever really put it into words or explain it. its impossible. just the most incredible feeling. i hope all of you can have that sometime. we even talked about living together when he returns..wow big step. I'm really nervous about all the big steps that are happening. but happy no doubt. am i truely ready for this big of committment...to be quote on quote..tied down? hmmm...more and more to think about. for some reason i always think he is coming back this spring..but no its the year after that...he wont even be gone for many months this spring. ugh, but i know every one is telling him that i will either cheat or breakup...now damn guys have a little faith. just because it has happened to some, doesnt mean all. ugh. and i know its affecting him. i can tell when i tell him whats going on back here. i cant imagine the stress he is in, and on top of that worrying about a relationship..ufda cheers to all those that are doing things i cant or have never done. i know he thinks the whole supporting the troops is bullshit because he doesnt see it...but i really do support all of them. not like i send money or anything. but if i know a guy is leaving i make sure to get his email so i can stay in touch, and i send luke lots of things. and i spend way too much money on him...but that doesnt matter..he spent WAY too much on me before he left. anyway... its midnight and maybe i should go to bed like my roommate. i only have like an hour of class tomorrow...and we are doing presentations and eating cake..last day of the class.. i dont even work tomorrow, so i have class...then vb game at 9:15...wow a whole day to myself..what shall i do..i think homework, nap, and tanning....maybe i'll even seal the windows in the house so its not so cold..it seems to be that i am the only one that can do it..but thats another complaint for another night... goodnight to all and god bless...and oh yes. rest in peace pat smith.. you will be missed but will be joining bradley!

I'm on a role!

Wow I'm actually starting to get back into this posting thing. I am pretty sore today, after my workout today, which was biking and the eliptical. My knee started to hurt during the eliptical so I cut it shorter than usual. Which is good, because it is sore tonight!! After the work out, shower, class then off to another 5 hours of work. I didnt wear the best shoes today, but it could have been worse. I did absolutely nothing productive at work, I was assigned to just clean up the floor today, yeh I didnt get to ring much up except when they were overloaded. So it consisted of folding way too much and putting lots and lots of clothes away after people either decided they didnt want them or dropped them off after trying them on. Well at least I got a lot of walking in today. I found out I am working all weekend, not just Friday and Saturday, but of course Sunday too. I dont like how I just found that out today, they do their schedules so late! I work next week Thursday Friday . Ugh. Oh well. By the end of next week it will be 40 hours. So good since I spent a lot on clothes today and yesterday...yeah like $50 yesterday, 30 on shoes and $100 on clothes today At least I will be good for a while now. I wont have to buy. And I wont let myself buy more, I gotta pay rent. I think the store clerk made a huge mistake, but I dont know what to do. Everything was %25 off if you have a credit card, then I get 20% more as an employee. But the 20% isnt suppose to be taken off until I get my bill. She took 45% off every item and I think I will still get the 20% more. Either I can just deal with it, or I can do something...not sure. Maybe my employee discount wont come into play yet. wow so tomorrow, nice day, I have no class and work from 4:50-9:00 pretty bummed about closing, it takes forever. But I have all morning and afternoon to myself. My roommate and another one upstairs are leaving this weekend, so I pretty much have the lower half to myself...so nice! I'll be tired after this weekend. Anyway I've written way too much!

An Ufda Day

Well well well, my feet are sore. I forgot how tough it is on the feet to stand for 5 hours. It was my first official day today out on the sales floor. Not a bad day, sold a couple things, but mostly marked down items, did returns and straightened up the floor. Oh, yeh, and I found things to buy...how couldnt I? When I was looking through the racks for tags and clean up, I happened to have found some neat stuff. And since my feet are hurting, I went to the shoe department and found 2 treasures. hehe. I cant keep away from shoes, and with the little department they have I actually found some stuff. It is so bad to work in a department where I could shop, oooo. But the good thing is that all of it is too big or too expensive. I also work in the sportswear, but I never really get a chance to check out the items since my till is on the other side of the wall. My employee discount is pretty awesome. I get 20% off plus the sales price and discounts. LOVE IT! I'm already working like 20 some hours this week, may be tough to keep up with work and school so we'll see how it goes. School, eh, nothing tough right now. I had one class today and it ends next week..thank god, that teacher and I dont see eye to eye since she tried dropping me out of that class.
So facebook, cool thing for the most part...however when total creeps from your high school find you, not so good. But i guess i cant complain, i can just block them. Nothing going on, i just ate a nice homemade dinner, made chicken and broccoli and mixed those with cream of mushroom and chicken soup with rice..yummy but very filling. I should work out but i'm so tired! Must be from missing lunch and having a shitty breakfast. One problemo with the job is that my department staff enjoys stashing candy under the till, oh man, how can I not eat that when I get hungry. I spent my twenty minute break today looking at shoes, which is good because I dont need to walk down to dairy queen to get a snack. anyway i'm going to rest for a while, maybe get the energy to do a workout here in the room. I may have to get up in the morning and work out before work so I dont miss that after work. Goodnight!