little update

things have been nuts right now. i have so much to sort through. school is going ok, but I feel like i'm falling behind already and that i have NO time to myself. i go to class, work, sleep, or work all day, class at night then sleep. its gotta change. now i found out i work all weekend and my parents want to come up. well looks like that wont work out. it would be nice to send them home with some crap in this house i dont need around. with all the stress of school and work, i also have the stress of the boyfriend issue. oh i know its more stressfull for sure for him, but i'm feeling it too. i get pretty sad or discouraged when i cant talk to him or i dont have time. i dont want him to feel like i'm living my life with out him..i am kind of, but i so need him to be in it. if that just made sense to anyone else. i feel pretty shitty that i dont know what to say to him. i want to comfort him, tell him everything will work out, and he doesnt ever have to worry about me. i hate the fact that i'm something he stresses over, doesnt help when he tells me he would go seriously nuts if i dumped him. not like i'm ever going to. but still. but everytime i try to say something, it just comes out dumb, like just i love you, or'get over it' oh yeh, like thats going to help at all. truth is i'm nervous right along with him
what would i do if he didnt come home? i hate to think that, it never crosses my mind, but these last weeks it has. i know he will come home. i guess i have no doubt in it. i just hate the fact that he is down there sitting around for days when he could have been here doing that.
the stress is definately getting to me, i'm feeling pretty gross today, i just want to sleep and its only 6:30. i went to bed last night at 11..how sad. i've had the worst headache all day. cant shake it, but i dont want meds. they would probably help though.
do you ever feel just weird some days? like something huge is about to happen, but your just sitting around waiting for it. yeh its that today. i know that this week i will have forgotten an assignment or something. and that huge thing, well ya we all know that one. he reminded me once again about how we wont be able to talk too much, which i totally understand, but i wonder how little it will actually be. like once a month? and if i miss that call is that it? things i ponder and i shouldnt. but anyway i do have some homework due tomorrow that i havent done yet...shit! goodnight to all.