points to ponder

so i'm trying to figure out why everytime i try to go out, i never seem to have a good time...i end up leaving early and coming back home alone. why do i like being alone so much now? i go to my friends house, which always seems to be a party and dont enjoy myself. i used to have so much fun there. not saying i didnt have any fun, i met some new people and hung out with my good friends...but the guys who live there, doesnt seem like they much care anymore. they send me emails and call me to see whats up and why i'm not there, but when i'm there, its like im invisable. what the heck? i'm guessing its the new girls they are hanging out with. a bunch of girls from the volleyball team, so you can imagine, good looking and paying attention to them. i guess i've really never gotten along too well with girls. but i really dont like it when i get bumped around repeatedly and pushed with no apologies. ugh, but maybe i'm just jeleous because i lost my guy friends. im not longer an effort for them and now the new girls are the interest. oh well i guess. loss for both sides. i just dont understand why they pretend to care, saying things like, glad you came, and nice to see you, but then go on to ignore me. hmmm....i actually think i'm getting depressed, thats why i'm not having fun, even with my own friends. when i'd rather be alone, somethings up. but no way am i going to take any pills or anything like that. damn it, idont want to be one of those people that cant handle their boyfriend leaving, ugh. i hope its not just that. cause that would suck, can you say weak? anyway, i should get some sleep, that will help.