up there

ok so i just hit one of the worst days of my life. no kidding. saying goodbye to luke before he goes over seas was a killer. and still is, anything can make me cry or at least tear up. i feel so weak but i know i will get through this. i've never felt so sad in my life. yes i've been through funerals and losing friends. but the one you love..leaving and not knowing if or when hes coming home...i'm suppose to spend the rest of my life with him. one of the hardest parts of going down to say goodbye was seeing the fall of the schmitz family right in front of me. his dad hugging him and saying over and over 'hes my boy, the only one i got. hes my best friend' ouch..that was so hard to hear. i teared up during that but was able to keep strong for luke. he ended up right before that breaking down in my arms. just shaking and crying. im so scared and i know he is to. the infantry is a dangerous job and he had to pick it. i'm so very proud of course, but this next year of my life will be one of turmoil, depression and stress of worrying. but i do have trust in his company and especially his squad, his battle buddy mike k. is a great guy, those two were made for each other and i trust mike to watch over luke and vice versa. their squad leader also seems like a good guy. didnt get to really meethim that much, but i did talk with him. these guys all have so much to come home to. all have girlfriends or signifacant others, families and lives. they wont tell us when they leave, but its in the next couple of days. after that, silence for about a month. until they get settled. silence they say is golden..i'm not sure. i'll be up at nights and worrying and thinking about him during the day. a 25 hour travel to his desitation in kuwait then 2 weeks there then off to somewhere west of bahgdad. i'm not sure where, and i' probably wont make it public until they are secure there...i'm scared the wrong people may find out. so those of you who know me, dont expect the happy tina to be out for awhile, maybe in may after finals. but drinking is done, i dont think drinking and my situation should go hand in hand.

rollercoaster day

what a day full of ups and downs. started out bad and ended bad with some highs in the middle. only due to a roommate..the good part anyway. i woke up to very loud people upstairs at 5am, they left for a 5 hour drive to a funeral, but decided to clomp around the house in heels, laugh and make so much noise that i woke up, and i usually dont until my alarm goes off. then i walk upstairs after a nice shower...early day because of a 6:45 meeting. and they left a HUGE pile of dishes! not kidding, both sinks full plus flour all over the counter, and dishes with shit caked on them. i was mosly mad because they KNEW we had our landlord coming over to show the house!!! and i asked one of them who never helps around the house to take the garbage out, she told me if she left the house she would..did she..no she left the house like 4 times yesterday, never taking it with her. I'm NOT A FUCKING MOTHER, I DONT NEED TO CLEAN UP AFTER MY ROOMMATES! So i did a few dishes, that belonged to me, and put all of the dishes i own away. i'm so sick of it. and left the rest. abby was so pissed always. i ended up calling one of the girls this morning and reemed on her for leaving the mess. they said they forgot..but who seriously leaves that big of a mess anyway? so much mess i didnt have space to make my breakfast. total disrespect! so anyway. the rest of the day, not too bad, class and that was about it. then came home tonight to find out i could have spent an extra 3 days with my boyfriend down south if the stupid fuckin luetinent told anyone. of course his family is coming but he failed to tell the company that theirs could come early!!!!! such bullshit, so i tried to find an ealier flight..pretty spendy, no way from new olreans to hattiesburg, then no hotel. that pretty much sealed the deal of not going. every hotel is booked solid. thats my rant and i'm tired and should sleep off my anger. i work all day tomorrow so hopefully i wont be angry then.